We have to get a little bit crazy: 04 de febrero de 2015

We have to get a little bit crazy. It’s the only way to get into each other’s heads.

¿Estoy alucinando? Sí, sí. Sólo quiero estar tan volada hasta el punto de alucinación. Y hablar con otras personas que son tan abiertas y dispuestas a escuchar e intentar de entender. ¿Dónde están Uds.?

The light colors of the walls lift up my heart, my strings play, I feel something flowing through thousands of holes in my chest. I am a strong reflector, I mirror-image others and it feels like a bold urge pushing outward that I can’t control. It may make them feel uncomfortable but I’m not sure why. I can’t figure out how much is me and how much is their part in the matter.

Digo, “Soy mala con esto,” y mi compañero de trabajo me dice que no debo decir cosas así. Hay que ser positiva, siempre. Así es como deberían ser mis amigos, me encanta su onda, me siento tan cómoda en su presencia. Eva está dibujando y me parece que su mano sabe adonde va la lapicera y solamente ella la sigue, no la lleva.

“Perfect is boring.” I hear this phrase, always. And it feels so right, but cliché. I want to rephrase it today because I feel so right.

USA is boring. There are no surprises in the suburbs. The sidewalks are not your obstacle course. Here the sidewalks crack open and sprout shrubbery, you have to duck under hanging trees and jump over holes filled with rainwater or trash. If you don’t take care you’ll trip on a hidden unevenness and sprawl out, defeated, as I did the other day running in the park. A male prostitute dressed as a woman helped me up that day, ¿Qué te pasó? as she gives me her hand and I hoist myself up.

Now I’m walking in the city, alone. Alone is so good, the grass exhales green so smooth, vibrant rays of energy burst from it. The trees are heavy, damp sponges filled with humidity’s soggy breath. I’m twitchy but I channel it effectively in silent jerks, perhaps unnoticeable. The more creative I am, the more energy I release. Albeit occasional spasms that tweak my mind in any certain direction without my permission, it’s a cleansing experience. I try to feel vulnerable, without control.

Walk slower; stalk an old man down the sidewalks and around street corners, the stoplights click heavy in your mind in the evening heat. Wear sunglasses and walk with confidence. Go to a seemingly familiar place but stop this time, feel it turning around you while you sit calmly. Do this everywhere. Lose your way, let your guard down, expect nothing.

Me siento con tanta suerte hoy. Fumé con ecolalia, mi pipa, y fui caminando en la ciudad. Vi una fuente con el agua bailando con la música de la película Piratas del Caribe. Hablé con la mujer sentada al lado mío, le pregunté, “Reconoces la música?” Me dijo, “No, pero es clásica.” Jajaja…Me dijo que me parezco más joven, como 18, 19 años. Me reí.

Le despedí, y antes de irme me dijo con una sonrisa, “Algo muy bueno va a pasar pronto en tu vida.” Era una onda tan positiva, era como si fuera un globo, yo, volando en el cielo. Después compré un tuquero de un hombre que se llama Dracula que me dijo que le gustaba la manera en que camino. Qué buen cumplido, ¿no? Pienso que sí. Y justo antes estaba pensando que la manera en que camina la gente muestra tanto de su personalidad. Es tan subjetivo, tan sutil.

I met everyone’s eye. I felt personality orbing around me, breathing in my vibrations. I want to create a positive connection with all of them. I want to tease and poke. Do flips like tiny excited poodles and change direction mid-air as their energy collides with mine, an elusive atomic reaction.

What are the consequences? What type of energy will we create, together? I must do this with everyone. I must be so genuine, so honest. And it’s always in the eyes. Everyone here makes eye contact and I love it. They are the windows everyone says they are.