I find myself missing him less and less: 13 de noviembre de 2013
As the days without him go on I find myself missing him less and less, thinking about him less and less. We went to a coffee shop the other day to do homework and he ended up leaving and walking home, saying, “You’re fucked up” as he grabbed his backpack and swung the door open, leaving the bright orb lights and disappearing into loneliness.
I wouldn’t accommodate to his negativity about the people in the coffee shop, the people everywhere. I said, “You don’t have to do this, you could just not do it…” and I dunno if it’s true, if he could just stop being an asshole, but I don’t want him regardless! I am done with the negative energy, with his sarcastic, cynical remarks about everyone, everything.
I’m done with trying to help him, it’s not what I want for my life and he’s so fucking insecure and needy that he doesn’t realize that it takes so much energy to be his friend, and even more to be in a relationship with him.
good things:
solo at the edge of dawn, siempre sola, even among peers I am hiding inside my own mind, a tie-dye sweater, dresses over black running tights and I just go! to be alone in nature as a bit frightening when the clouds look full of icy moisture; hot chocolate at night around a burning stove light, making pasta, grocery shopping in other languages, camping.
I want a camping vibe always, I want nothing, few things, used things, worn-in creatively sewn things, ideas, bringing ideas into fruition through simple planning. Ask for what you want, take initiative, forget what came before and do something new or strange or uncomfortable, especially uncomfortable. Anticipation, looking ahead, leaving this city behind; farther than memory, farther than the ultimate end.