Some strange tribute to the genius of man: 24 de diciembre de 2014
It’s 20:00 and I’m sitting on a bench in the warm wind, watching the cars stream past, lights flashing, blinkers clicking, some strange tribute to the genius of man, but abused and forlorn, slave to tall yellow stoplights and the rage of taxi drivers.
It’s Christmas Eve and it has never felt so unlike Christmas Eve to me. I have never been particularly festive during the holidays, but this year it’s as if I’m from a different planet and the traditions of these beings are of no importance to me. I feel no desire to open gifts or sit next to a Christmas tree with bright lights and ornaments, although I do miss my family.
Yesterday was so weird. Well, actually, let’s start a bit earlier. The night of the 22nd Raúl and I decided not to sleep, because the night of the 23rd (last night) was going to be my first shift at work – midnight to 8:30 a.m. – and I wanted to sleep during the day so I wouldn’t be tired working.
So we put an eighth of an LSD tab en el ojo and smoked paraguayo all night, walking and talking and exploring the city in the darkness. We went to Pétalos, and I tried to be the weirdest person in the bar. I went straight to the dance area and wiggled my body as if I had no bones. I was the only person dancing because the others were still drinking their cups of liquid courage, waiting for some sign that it would be safe to proceed.
I imitated the people in the music videos on the TV screens. I felt like a ball of energy in constant change, a churning equilibrium, or a child without inhibitions.
We talked earlier about how energy is everything, or rather, everything is energy. It’s so true to me, we are all energy in motion. Everything has a particular vibe, you just have to learn how to feel it. If you can figure out your own energy and how other people react to it, you have so much control. You can change and adapt to the energies of other people, and you can learn to manipulate your energy depending on what you want from other people and from the universe. What you want will come to you if you’re earnest and genuine.
Raúl left for Chile before I went to sleep before my night shift on the 23rd. I feel so sad now. I want to hug him tightly, kiss him, put my fingers in his hair. I want to make spoons in bed, listen to his heartbeat, hold his hands to my face, let those same tanned hands wander across white flesh, taut with expectation and desire.
I want to feel that same security and warmth, radiating from mi profesor de español y cariño. Quiero sacar sus granos como antes, negro en puntos pequeños, y sentir la satisfacción que me viene después. Quiero mirarlo mientras duerme, quiero mirarlo despierto en la cama con ojos cerrados; quiero tocarlo suavemente y ver esa sonrisa sutil que es casi invisible, pero siempre viene cuando lo toco.
As I’m writing this I look up at a young man that walks by, we make eye contact and I can feel myself in his mind. I try to ignore him, but I looked too long and after crossing the street, looking back at me, he waits a bit on the other side, and a minute later comes back to this side, lights a cigarette and circles slowly, ever closer.
I am a lightbulb and he is a moth. Now I cannot look up or he will approach me, ask me some question to start a conversation, probably “¿De dónde sos?” The usual ice breaker.