THINGS: 28 October 2011
THINGS: walking for hours under a hooded sky, upon damp cobblestones, learning, adapting, doubt, nervousness, always finding something to worry about, beautiful histories not my own, desire, satisfaction, wandering, appearances as deceptive, memories, the future as impossible to perceive, snacking, heartburn, the smell of rot, reading, burnt out light bulbs, images igniting creativity, hopelessness, fear, locked doors, wanting to know everyone on a personal level, waiting for miracles that never come, over exaggeration, looking good,
hating everyone, not finding the words, not feeling secure, wanting a job because that may bring a sense of security, colors fading, too much jewelry, too many material items, not utilizing one’s resources, like the paints and paintbrushes available, not knowing what I want, not knowing what sounds enjoyable, not finding anyone of interest, feeling bloated, Kurt wearing a dress as the sexiest thing I have ever seen, wanting to be a part of something badly but never having it happen, lists, Polaroids, growing out one’s hair, trying to create something interesting,
European police sirens, Oreos, arrows, looking for art, finding it in bookstores and desiring it and disliking that desire and wanting to make your own damn art, weheartit.com, words that inspire, the colours of your soul, British nuances, living in London, going somewhere new every day, Costa Coffee as a safe place, strange currency, instability, crying, you, attractive boys with fashionable clothes, plans, being sick, watching people stare at you while riding the underground, wanting to use up all the things I own so I can get rid of them and not have any more things,
immortality, wanting to publish a book, wanting to do a whole bunch of things but not knowing how to get involved, wanting a motherfucking boyfriend so life would be interesting, relief upon finding a good vibe, a healthy choice, an incredibly unhealthy choice, postcards, being asked where you’re from, pictures, cameras, organizing, food, coffee, alcohol, need, pencil cases, boxes, backpacks, transcribing, buses, mugs, staying up late, sleeping in,
two days of class and five days of weekend, freedom, trapped in an anxiety cage, concerts, maps, disinterest, fashion, love as a fallacy, headaches, disbelief at my forgetfulness, misplacing needed items, DIY, stealing sugar packets, Skype, one real friend everywhere I go, hanging out in my room on my Macbook, paper, blood vessels close to the top layer of skin and how ugly that looks, painting, recycling, being a bad cook, communicating,