Where are you? 22 February 2012
Things: I can’t love anyone. I can’t enjoy physicality, all I want is to not touch anyone, to sleep alone, to sit in the shower and be silent and feel the warmth mixing with my own mind and my secret…
dim lamplight and a darkening sky: 12 January 2012
Cheese, hand warmers, eye contact and shy smiles, vibrant hair, perceptions of beauty, eye makeup, television shows, a thick luster, jewelry, running, feeling so good after running, shopping for birthday gifts, getting mail, not feeling anxious for a really long…
the constant stability of sanity: 24 November 2011
I want immortality, perfection, permanence, security, the constant stability of sanity, to keep everything remembered forever, never forgotten…but truly I don’t want any of these things. I’ll get bored and feel trapped, I’m contradicting myself, fucking up the harmony or…
THINGS: 28 October 2011
THINGS: walking for hours under a hooded sky, upon damp cobblestones, learning, adapting, doubt, nervousness, always finding something to worry about, beautiful histories not my own, desire, satisfaction, wandering, appearances as deceptive, memories, the future as impossible to perceive, snacking,…
Everyone thinks I understand everything: 22 de noviembre de 2014
I think I’m at the point in learning Spanish where everyone thinks I understand everything. Twitchy, distracted, unfocused, breathing hard, absorbing everything. I could feel all my thoughts, all physical movements as positive or negative energy, all shifting and morphing…
That weird pleasure: 03 de agosto de 2015
What’s with that weird pleasure one finds in doing something she knows she shouldn’t do? Like smoking cigarettes or eating a fuck-ton of carbs? Yesterday was Sunday and everyone and her fucking grandmother and dog and 20 kids came to…
People that want to take charge and direct the conversation: 25 de abril de 2014
People that are poised and alert, waiting for the moment they can turn the conversation towards themselves, always ready to share their perspective. People that want to take charge and direct the conversation through the route they desire, instead of…
North American anxiety: 08 de enero de 2015
Yesterday I wrote Sawyer a long email about my life right now, and how I don’t want to go back to the states because anxiety and unsureness and uncomfortability (I know it’s not a word but it is now) are…
I feel like such an alien: 27 de diciembre de 2014
I feel like such an alien. I miss Raúl, but I’m mad at him for being so weirdly judgmental in a way. I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing. He has to be with Ximena, who I…
Some strange tribute to the genius of man: 24 de diciembre de 2014
It’s 20:00 and I’m sitting on a bench in the warm wind, watching the cars stream past, lights flashing, blinkers clicking, some strange tribute to the genius of man, but abused and forlorn, slave to tall yellow stoplights and the…