disappointment: 15 May 2012
disappointment, going back to America as degeneration, loneliness?, maybe not, coffee and cigarettes, wine and cheese and chocolate, annoyed with Moe’s lack of social perception, disbelief at how people are horrible at perceiving others’ feelings and emotions, long nails, long…
Who cares? 19 March 2012
THINGS: Who cares? About anything? How do you care? Futility. How are we to survive? How can I conquer my own irrationality? Slight changes in my mind – hopelessness/despair, then excitement for the future; feelings of doom and that bad…
dim lamplight and a darkening sky: 12 January 2012
Cheese, hand warmers, eye contact and shy smiles, vibrant hair, perceptions of beauty, eye makeup, television shows, a thick luster, jewelry, running, feeling so good after running, shopping for birthday gifts, getting mail, not feeling anxious for a really long…
Dim lights and jazz music: 01 de abril de 2015
Dim lights and jazz music. Today I wanted to be a hippie, a reporter, Buddha; a person with perfect calm confidence and no doubt. You are a person of talent. You, you have got something special. I feel pressured to…
If you talk about the game, you lose the game: 13 de marzo de 2015
If you talk about the game, you lose the game. You expose yourself, your twisty hints, the meaning of any half-smile, your seemingly subtle motives. Maybe it’s best to talk in questions, never directly state your intentions or the reasons…
I feel like such an alien: 27 de diciembre de 2014
I feel like such an alien. I miss Raúl, but I’m mad at him for being so weirdly judgmental in a way. I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing. He has to be with Ximena, who I…
The words gushing out of me: 17 de noviembre de 2013
I’m eating ice cream in the kitchen with the clocks ticking and an aloe vera plant in the corner. An almost-empty bottle of wine, a sepia toned world map on the wall, miniature pumpkins on the dining table. The words…
My honesty is flowing and coherent: 01 de junio de 2013
Is my diary completely honest? His honesty manifested in writing would be vulgar. Cum-stained blankets from white hospital rooms with bars in the windows, and slits in the doors for porridge. My honesty is flowing and coherent, vague ideas growing…
A past lover made me so abstract: 18 de mayo de 2013
INDECISION GRIPS ME IT DOES It has tied me down, I am frozen, immobile. I will defeat you, I will write you into oblivion, I will figure you out, I will sift through the insanity and find what’s real. It…
The sound of birds: 03, 12 de julio de 2015
☯️03 de julio de 2015 I’ve been wanting to listen to silence for so long now. Its intricate, infinite depth is filled with everything. There is the sound of birds near — a loud, cackling mess of twigs in the…