So here I am in the light of the terraza: 18 de febrero de 2014

So here I am in the light of the terraza, shaded by his sombra, craving words like a sexual compulsion, but this time in Spanish. It’s like my brain’s foreplay tryst with “herramientas,” a simple word made into a throaty growl, his tongue rolling the r’s con fuerza, lips bared, pipa en mano, stoking the fire in my mind.

I like that party vibe, tanto movimiento while I sit quietly in the background, vibrating with intoxication, unnoticed by drunken, cackling fools, the music washing over us, cleansing us, freeing us.

Thought process:

She thinks,

Shit I can’t see anything again, is it the high or am I just really hungry? Ah, McDonald’s, I’ll get ice cream because a cono is light… oh…. bombón McFlurry… Shit, fuck it, I’ll get the McFlurry, what the hell.

After a misunderstanding with the man taking her order, where she confused his question “Which topping?” for “Would you like a key to the bathroom upstairs?” she tries the McFlurry and decides it isn’t that great.

Anxiety:

How to act in various restaurants. Do you sit down and wait or do you go to the counter and order? Waiting for them to take your order requires patience and energy that I often don’t have.

Learning how to be like Pesadilla will greatly benefit you. You’re growing up together, this is the beginning of something more immense than ever before.

All anger is shielded fear.