Anger about friendships: August 18, 2007

August 18, 2007

Today I slept in until 9-something, got up and had breakfast, then went back to bed until 11. Mum and I were going to go to Saturday market but her throat hurt really bad for some reason so we didn’t go. Jenna called so I hung out with her and Karly. We were going to go to the mall but Karly made an executive decision to go to Walmart instead because she had only two hours before work.

I had an absolutely horrific time.* I’m getting so fed up with their lifestyles. Their Mormon FUCKING BORING CLONE lifestyle! I put my iPod in Karly’s car to listen to, and I played Tokyo Police Club, and she was like, “Can we listen to tolerable music?” And I was like (in my head), “You really have absolutely no taste in music at all! I seriously hate you right now because you give the impression that what I listen to is stupid or wrong, when you are actually too closed-minded to realize how interesting this music is.” I am seriously so mad right now. If I hadn’t grown up with them – known them my entire life – I would definitely not be friends with them.

[*Biwheel chart with Ana’s chart follows.]

And when we got home Karly’s mom told her that she had bought her a new top and Karly was like, “Why?” in this bitchy tone, and I was like are you serious if my mum got me a new top I’d at least say thanks! Even if I didn’t like it! And she was just so rude to her mom and I hate that. And I hate that they don’t recycle. I just can’t stand it.

And now that I think about it, Karly never has been that great of a friend. To me. Like, she’s always negative and she likes to think that everything I do is bad, weird, or stupid. In fact, all the Mormons do, because they have no individuality.

And Jenna was acting like she was better than me in subtle ways. Like we were going to microwave our mac n cheese, and I was waiting at the counter closest to the microwave, and when Karly’s finished I went to put mine in and Jenna was like, “No, Ana, don’t! No! Why did you do that?” And I was like, “Because I was waiting.” And she was like, “Seriously, why did you do that? That was so rude, I was next!” And in my head I was thinking, “No, you fucking bitch, you were not next, do you want to know why? Because I was waiting right next to the fucking microwave, bitch, that’s fucking why!” God I hate them.

And then I went home and Jenna called me and was like, “Are we still going to do something?” So I told her I didn’t feel good, because she’d never understand why I hate her lifestyle, and why I can’t comprehend her style of thinking, or why she thinks and acts the way she does. It’s like we’re in completely different worlds. I’m in the real world, and they’re in the world that tries to pretend the real one doesn’t exist. So she told me to get some rest and I went to Signets, read a magazine, and when I got home she called me. Lisbet called at the same time, so I told Jenna I’d call her back and Lisbet invited me to go to the movies, so I did! HA! I told Jenna I couldn’t hang out, and she didn’t even ask why, I was so relieved.

Then Lisbet came and picked me up and we went to the pizza place where Alyssa works, to say hi, and we got this cinnamon thing, it was delish. Then we went to Bourne Ultimatum, Matt Damon is gorgeous! Then we came home and played Yahtzee with her dad and stepmom. We were going to hang out with Conrad but when we went to pick him up he had people over so we were like, “Ok, thanks for nothing.” And then I had to go home. And Dad helped me put my bookshelf together, it looks so sweet!!! And now I’m going to bed because it’s like 3 a.m.

[I wanted to include a biwheel chart here because the energy is super intense. I set the time for 16:00 because it’s probably more accurate than a noon chart.

There’s so much resentment and spite here regarding Jenna and Karly. Ana also mentions a lot of other friend action. It makes sense seeing the Leo pileup of planets in Ana’s 7th house of intimate relationships. Venus retrograde, the Sun, Saturn, and Mercury are all within a 5-degree orb and squaring Ana’s Mars in Taurus, as well as trining Pluto retrograde in Sag, her 11th. Plus Mars in Gemini is conjunct Ana’s IC and opposing a now direct Jupiter which is thus conjunct her MC, and both Mars and Jupiter are activating her Venus-Jupiter opposition in the 1st and 7th (by sextile/trine).

Lots of big anger here (Jupiter, Mars, Pluto) regarding friendships (Venus-Jupiter, 7th, 11th) and how her most long-term (Saturn) friendships don’t share her values/lifestyle/belief system (Venus-Jupiter, Venus retrograde). She perceives them to be actively rude to her as well. Venus retrograde conjunct the Sun in Ana’s 7th speaks to her realization that she cannot relate to her friends’ values and lifestyle, and she low-key doesn’t really want to be their friend anymore because of this, and also because of how they treat her. Who she truly is (Sun) cannot be genuinely cherished/valued (Venus) by her friends (7th) because of their religion/belief system (Jupiter, Venus as 9th house lord). How long can one go on in an intimate relationship when they think everything about the lifestyle and belief system of the other person is straight up idiotic, closed-minded, and ignorant?

I think the Mercury-Saturn stuff ties into that as well, and it’s interesting because Ana holds it all in (Saturn) and doesn’t directly communicate (Mercury) to Jenna or Karly about why she’s frustrated and irritated (Mars, Pluto) with them.

Please check my connections here! Does all that make sense? What would you add?]