Confused about Eli: April 06, 2007

April 06, 2007

Last night I barely had any homework so I hung out with Jenna and Karly. Before we hung out with Karly, me and Jenna did some sewing, and I fixed my JouJou capris, and she fixed the rip in her pant leg. Then we went to Karly’s house and helped her with her history project. We made a movie for it and Miki came over. It was pretty funny. Actually not really. Haha. Yeah, I don’t think we are ever really funny. Alyssa and Lisbet are funny, we aren’t.

Right now is first period: history. My ma went to parent teacher conferences last night, and it went well I guess. All my teachers love me, naturally. Ha jk but seriously. She didn’t talk to Mrs. A or Mrs. K, which is probably good, but you never know. Mrs. A thinks I screw around in Newspaper, so she’s stupid. I think Mrs. K wouldn’t have said anything bad, but I dunno. Oh and I guess Mr. R is taking kids to Mexico next year, and it’s only like $1,800. I am going. Well I want to really bad. I still want to be an exchange student. I don’t know how that will go. Oh and I want to study abroad in college.

Oh Josie said that Gonzaga was talking to Chapman about me and her. What if I went there? I know after I get accepted to a college, and go back and read this, I will be like, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even know I would be going to this college!” I can’t really explain it. It’s weird though, when you know something that you didn’t before, and you think that if someone told you that that specific event would happen you’d be so surprised, or never think it possible. So whenever I think about college, I always wonder if I’ll go somewhere that I never think I would have gone. It’s exciting to not know the future I think.

I just took a math quiz on sequences and series. It wasn’t too hard. When I grow up, I don’t want kids, because then I’d have to help them with their homework, and I’ve already had enough of the homework thing. But today is Friday, and so far I have no math or history, but I do have to look for a piece of art to write a poem about for English. We are doing a poetry unit in English and I am kind of excited because we have to make a book for our poems, and I want mine to be really creative and cute/cool looking. But I don’t know what I’ll do…it will be a challenge, and I’m scared it will look horrid. I’m not sure if I want to go buy a book, like premade, or if I want to make it on my own. I think premade would make it so much easier and it would probably be way cuter, but I might feel like weird or something since I didn’t make the whole thing by myself. I dunno, maybe I am STRESSING?!? Ha yep, that’s it!

I’m in Newspaper. Before this class Mr. I told me to put my purse in my locker, and I said ok. And I never did, because Mr. I is a stupid weiner dog. But right now we are having a lockdown thing, and I guess there are drug dogs in the building, or the parking lot or something. Good thing I don’t do drugs. I’m hungry. I like bringing this to school because then I have something to do during class.

I’m still confused about Eli.* I don’t know what love is. He said to go to Stanford because it’s close to Cal Poly, and he wants to go there. But I don’t want to think of the future. I don’t want to be with him for my whole life. I don’t even think I’m ready to think of the future. I like being single. I don’t want to always be with someone. But he is such a good person. He is really nice and he understands me. But I’m not ready to get married. I’m not ready to be with someone for my whole life. And I want to date more than one person in my life. This worries me! I want to be single when I go to college because it will give me the opportunity to start fresh. It will be a new life.

I’m so jealous of my brother. He has the coolest friends from college, and he’s going to Europe. I want to travel so bad. I want to be a foreign exchange student, and study abroad when I’m in college. Ziggy D. is in Italy right now being a foreign exchange student. I’m going to talk to my ma. And Eli, and my counselor. I feel like I need to say something, but I don’t know what it is. I just want to travel so bad, I don’t know why,** and I want to meet new people. And I feel the need to be a part of something, not in Idaho, someplace amazing. It has to do with my flying dreams, with my runaway orphan dreams, being on my own adventure, living life, having responsibilities, not like writing a paper. Escaping authorities, and learning from the streets. I always wish I grew up poor in Italy, playing soccer in the alleys. But here in Boise there is nothing.

[*Biwheel noon chart with Ana’s chart follows.

**Ana’s 9th house lord conjunct the AC.]

[At this point Mars has entered Pisces and sextiles Ana’s Mercury in Cap almost exactly. The Moon squares Mars and separates from an opposition to Ana’s Mars. Mercury in Pisces sextiles/trines her Sun-Chiron. The Sun in Aries sextiles her AC and squares her Neptune. Venus approaches a conjunction with Ana’s Mars and thus a trine/sextile to the core axis of her chart. Venus also squares Neptune in Aquarius and sextiles Mercury by degree. Jupiter turns retrograde this day sextile Ana’s AC. Would the Venus transits relate to Ana’s doubts about her relationship with Eli and being confused (Neptune) about love (Venus)? She then goes on to write about her dreams and ideals and desires regarding traveling, and Venus rules her 9th. Mercury is profection lord and hits her core axis from the 2nd house of values, so maybe that ties into it?]