Confused About Who I Am: September 10, 2009

September 10, 2009

Um, I am frustrated with myself because I am really confused about who I am and how I am supposed to be around certain people,* and I don’t know how my face is supposed to look and what I’m supposed to say, and I feel like people can’t take me seriously, and there are people I can’t take seriously, and all this is bouncing around in my head and I don’t know who anyone is, especially just by looking at a person’s Facebook, like my new dormmates.

[*Biwheel chart follows.]

And Calvin asked me to go to sushi, I don’t know what to do because he makes me weird sometimes. And I’ve felt pretty annoying and immature lately. Especially yesterday, and it’s because I don’t know how to react so I just laugh or do something stupid. I feel really misunderstood. I feel way too aware of myself. And I wish I’d do something or be something interesting. Or just come up with something really unique.

Oh and also I’m getting so irritated with living with all these people. I need to be alone or just with one person. AAHH. Because a lot of them are retarded and irritating.

[Another one of those existential overwhelm situations that Ana gets consistently throughout life. I think she’s just really overstimulated and under a lot of pressure. What astrological symbols point to this? Is it AC lord Saturn inconjunct Neptune by degree? Saturn is also trine her 12th house Sun from the 8th by degree (thus sextile her Chiron). And it’s also still conjunct her progressed Moon (not shown), and opposing Uranus retrograde by degree.

Is it that profection lord Sun, also in the 8th, is still within orb of trining her 12th house Neptune? The Sun is by degree inconjunct/semisextile the Jupiter retrograde-Venus opposition on Ana’s AC-DC axis, and applying to conjoin Saturn. Mars opposes her Moon by degree now. Mercury turned retrograde on September 06, squaring both her Mercury and Moon and trining/sextiling her Venus-Jupiter (orb’s a bit wide). It was also still squaring Mars pretty closely. The day before this entry the nodes finally reached her natal nodal axis by degree.

I feel like the Venus-Jupiter opposition on Ana’s AC-DC axis speaks to the situation with Calvin. How would you parse out all the different symbols here to describe the energy of Ana’s entry?]