Decided to write book: December 27, 2008

December 27, 2008

I’ve officially decided to start writing a book.* As I was doing my Night assignment on my brother’s laptop today I started a new page, and I wrote about today, cleared up my problematic thoughts. Got it all sorted out. And my mother gave me two books to read about depression, and for some reason that professional tone and tiny font just made me feel so much better, like everything would turn out ok and I’d be able to smile and have it be genuine. As much as I try to deny this, a person can feel so much better when they find another person to relate to, or seek guidance from. I try to be self-reliant most of the time, but it does feel good to find advice, instead of your own coaxing voice inside your head.

[*Biwheel chart follows.]

I’ve started The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and it just makes me feel reassured because I think I am like the boy in many ways, and he is such a beautiful person, with sincere feelings and interesting thoughts. Also I feel reassured because it is written in a diary type form, they’re actually letters, but it’s similar to how I want to write my book. I think it would be so cool to actually be a published author. I think that would be so neat, it just makes me feel excited.

Tomorrow Karly and I are going to finish our fort that we started today. We got truckloads of snow from these people’s driveway that Karly knows and that are out of town, and we dumped it in my front yard, and are building a fort. Hopefully it’ll work.

Today we watched Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which is so wonderful and exciting, and I wish I could have adventures like that. Going to different planets, improbability drives, crazy things always happening. But what do you think when you do those things? Surely it must be the same things I think, when I’m doing nothing. When they aren’t in the rush of the adventure, when they’re waiting for something, surely they must wonder about the same things I do.

Goodnight.

[Oh my fucking goddess this is sooo interesting. Ana finally pulls the trigger on writing a book and actually creates a first document. And who knows what time exactly she did this, but Mars conjoined her Mercury exactly on this day, conjoining Pluto as well. Taking action (Mars) on a writing project (Mercury) that is an examination/investigation (Pluto) into your own mind/psyche (12th house? Mercury? Mercury in the 12th?). Mars also rules Ana’s 10th house of career and public reputation, and this writing project will eventually turn into her career.

Also, there was a new Moon (new beginnings, planting seeds) in between Ana’s Mercury and Moon (communication and feelings), and it’s within orb of trining her progressed Moon in Virgo (not shown), although the orb is a little wide. Mercury is closely conjunct her Sun (writing about identity/being). Jupiter is right there too, conjunct by degree Ana’s ascendant lord Saturn (thus trine her Mars), which I feel like speaks to taking that opportunity/risk/endeavor that may not work out but you might as well try. Big action in Capricorn, where almost all her planets are. There’s also a Venus-Neptune conjunction relatively close to her AC, both closely inconjunct Saturn. I wonder if that speaks to letting herself dream about being a published author, even if it’s a total pipe dream at that point?

The day before this entry Ana mentions wanting to make a book of the good things she writes. That day the Moon was applying to conjoin Mars at the very end of Sag, and Moon enters Cap just before Mars does, both conjoining Ana’s Mercury and transiting Pluto. Moon is profection lord and the day of the current entry it is at the very least conjunct by sign the core of Ana’s chart. So we can speak again of the profection lord aspecting the core of her chart and the book idea comes up. Depending on the hour she’s writing, the Moon may actually be within orb of a degree-based conjunction to Ana’s Sun. She does say “goodnight” at the end of the entry so I’m willing to bet that she’s writing after 22:00, which would put the Moon within 10 degrees of conjoining her Sun.

What are your comments on the astrological symbolism here? This is a critical moment, where Ana goes from continually thinking about something to actually taking action on it.]