Leaked Period: January 09, 2010

January 09, 2010

Alright, fuck my life. I keep trying to be alone and people keep attacking me! At Grady yesterday I was sitting right by the door because I’m retarded, and so when Jean and Zara came in they saw me and decided to sit with me. Which is fine because I really like them, but I just really, really wanted to be alone and write. Oh, well. And then Drake came and talked to me, and I felt less awkward, it was good.

Then I went to ethics and it was so interesting. I love Henda. And he told the class that he takes Zoloft for anxiety! We’re twins! It made me feel real and like things were alright. And then I ran to Gasworks in the pouring rain in shorts and a white t-shirt. I was numb the whole time. It felt really good.

Alexis went home with her friend Jeremy, so I didn’t have someone to go to dinner with! Ah! So I went with Ezra and his roommate (whose name has escaped me) and his friend. And it was fun. I like hanging out with guys. And his roommate called me “anime girl” haha. And after Ezra and I watched Howl’s Moving Castle on my computer. And this is where the worst thing in the entire world occurred!!!! I fucking leaked my period on his fucking bed sheets.* NOT KIDDING. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. Holy fuck, it was so embarrassing, because I had to tell him, and I was so awkward and it was just awful! But he was super understanding and said it was ok, which was assuring, I guess. But the whole situation could have been so much worse, like his friends could have been in there when I needed to tell him, or I dunno. I’m just so glad it wasn’t worse.

[*Biwheel chart follows.]

And when I got back to Avery my roommates were gone, BEST THING EVER. So I just freaked out a little, and then watched TV, and texted Alexis. And then after I was there for like an hour or maybe more, Megan and Zara came in and talked to me, and Zara watched more TV and we talked, and it was fun. But if I had the choice I would have wanted to be alone. I just felt like hiding in a dark pit. Ugh. I still feel that way.

I’m in the lounge, in a corner by the window. I got some Pura Vida coffee and a granola bar for breakfast because Grady was closed. Which I fucking hate, it’s so irritating! I wanted to sit in there and write and read and drink coffee and hide in the corner, but I guess not! There are people here in the lounge, not that many, it’s pretty quiet, but still. Jesus Christ.

So apparently today I am going to go shopping with River, because he’s coming to Seattle. And he might sleep in apartment 6, but I’m not sure. I don’t want to have to sleep in there with him! Ahhh…I just feel like that’d be kind of awkward, and I want to sleep in my own bed anyways. And then tonight I am going to the sophomores’ apartments for a surprise birthday thing for Grayson, and I dunno how that’s going to go if River is with me. I wanted to get drunk ha, but I dunno what I’ll drink because I was supposed to give them money for alcohol but I didn’t. So I think I’ll just steal someone’s. Or I dunno. Ugh.

I just want to be by myself. I guess I’ve been feeling a bit anxious. Zoloft’s definitely been helping though. It kind of lets me step back and view the situation without being affected by it. It’s weird. It lets me be more rational about it.

Everyone in here is doing homework, and I don’t really have any, it’s nice. Ok I’m going to read now.

[I’m assuming this event occurred the day before this current entry, so I set the chart for evening on January 8. It was probably the most embarrassing and horrifying thing that happened to Ana up to that point in her life. Has there even been anything worse since then? I don’t know.

I think it’s notable that we’re in the eclipse portal, as Ana was born close to an eclipse so more intense events usually seem to happen for her during eclipses. There’s still a lot of Capricorn action in Ana’s 12th where she has the majority of her planets. There’s the ongoing Saturn-Pluto square on her Mercury, although the orb’s not as tight anymore. Transiting Mercury has retrograded all the way back to conjoin Ana’s Moon, and the transiting Moon in Scorpio sextiles both. Mercury is very close to the axis where the eclipse just occurred.

There’s a by-degree Sun-Venus conjunction in between Ana’s Neptune and her Sun and close enough to be conjunct the NN. That conjunction is inconjunct Mars retrograde, which is by degree conjunct Ana’s DC. I think that’s so funny that she bled on Ezra’s sheets with Mars retrograde on her DC. Also profection lord Sun aspecting Mars retrograde by inconjunct seems notable as Sun rules her 7th.

The Moon is in Mars’ sign and is applying to conjoin her Pluto and square Mars. Does that mean the Moon has reception with Mars because she’s in his sign? I feel like the Mars retrograde and Mercury retrograde are key players with respect to this embarrassing event, especially as they aspect Ana’s AC and Moon, respectively. And also because Mercury retrograde is hitting the eclipse axis. What do you think about the astrology here? How would the house significations come into play? For example, as Mars rules Ana’s 10th and 3rd, how would those house themes manifest with respect to bleeding on Ezra’s sheets? Or do they? Or would they necessarily have to according to astrological theory?

It’s also notable that Ana mentions Zara for the first time, as she becomes a main character.]