Original Thoughts: February 13, 2008
February 13, 2008
[A handwritten note, folded up and taped into diary]
2:You
<3: You
With the amount of people that are, or have ever been, I don’t think I will ever have an original thought. I bet with all the people living now, or that have lived before me, I will just be a replica, maybe a combination, of things already said and done.
This is an extension of my frustration at my intelligence, caused by math today. I barely understood it. If I could rate my understanding in that class today from 1-10, 10 being completely, I would choose 1.
I feel like the only people who will have an original thought are people like Einstein: they produce something real, invent something NEW, never thought of before. And with the rate at which I am understanding math right now, I will NEVER be one of these people.* But I guess it’s not just math. Maybe I could have strange thoughts, unique to myself, about, say, this! I wonder if anyone in the world has already thought about this before me.
[*And that’s all she wants, to be one of these people. Biwheel chart follows.]
Right now school, learning, reading, writing, thinking is such an overwhelming sensation. And there is nothing I can do about it because my mind is always processing information, and it always will, until I’m dead. I think that could be a reason why a lot of people kill themselves. Life is so full of everything, and to be empty for once, to just not be, is so enticing. So relaxing. No worries or anxieties.
I wonder if one’s mind could be overloaded – ever. If one person at exactly one moment suddenly knew EVERYTHING. All at once. Just for a second. All maths, all sciences, all languages, all of everything, and understand it, too. Da Vinci believed a person could know everything, but I disagree. It’s impossible. But I wonder if that did happen to them, what exactly would happen? Would their mind just go blank after? Restart? Or would it just implode and explode, with the amount of intelligence ever in existence, contained in one brain?
And I wonder if someone could actually obtain that emptiness. Like meditating. Can you actually make your mind completely blank and not think of anything? Not be affected by anything? If I could do that, and not in just a silent place, in a place like school where it’s very loud, I would be so proud. To be able to control your mind like that.
If one had enough mind power, I wonder if in an extension of emptiness they could sort of leave their body. Like if they were being tortured or something and could concentrate hard enough they could just not feel it, not be present…
[I think what’s interesting here is that the Sun is now at 24° Aquarius conjunct the degree that Mercury turned retrograde at, in between Neptune and the NN. It closely trines Mars and applies to square Ana’s Mars. The Moon today is square the Sun by degree and applying to conjoin her Mars, thus also trine/sextile the core axis of her chart. Transiting Venus is conjunct her Sun-Saturn-NN, thus also trine the Moon. Mercury retrograde is conjunct Ana’s Venus. I just thought it was an interesting entry. Ana doesn’t say it directly, but you can tell all she wants is to be one of those original thinkers, and she’s in a bit of a despair headspace about not being one of them. Does this feeling have to do with the eclipse being on her AC? Like she is being eclipsed in a way?]