Shrooms: November 07, 2008

November 07, 2008

Alright. So I can officially say that I have done shrooms.* And it was fucking PSYCHEDELIC! It was seriously so amazingly cool. And weird. So I went to Lisbet’s house at like 10 in the morning and we got the shrooms from this random kid, and then we went to get Eli, and back to Lisbet’s house to get food to eat them with, and orange juice. Then we drove downtown to Therese’s and ate the shrooms in Lisbet’s car. Then we went inside and talked to Therese’s roommates and sat on the couch.

[*Triwheel chart follows.]

And after awhile I started feeling weird. Like high. Sort of. I dunno, it was just weird. Everyone started playing hackysack, so they went outside, and me and Lisbet went to Therese’s room, and that’s when everything started changing color. I couldn’t figure out what color Therese’s dresser was. In reality it’s a yellowish green color, but it just kept shifting hues from yellows to greens to blues and back. And a lot of stuff was doing that. And it didn’t really feel that great to be inside. So we went outside and they were playing with a soccer ball and it kept changing shape. Like it would look really flat, and then look really pumped up, like air needed to be let out of it. It was so weird. The colors of the leaves were all more vibrant and beautiful, and when I looked at some leaves they seemed to shrivel up and die and then become colorful again and alive. Everything was kind of dominated by this pulsing, vibrating effect. There was so much detail and everything looked fuller and more enhanced.

So then Lisbet, Eli, and Therese’s roommate who has long hair and is real cute and I walked to Ann Morrison park*, and it was SO BEAUTIFUL! I chased some geese and it was so intense when they all flew away because their colors were so rich and dark and cool. And the leaves looked plump on the ground, and we sat down somewhere and I looked at the grass and I could see it growing. Seriously. It was fucking crazy. And we saw Therese so she came with us and hung out. And we all talked nonstop about everything and I felt like I was in Nirvana. Like I knew everything there was to know about everything. Like life was some big math equation and we had all figured it out. It was cool.

[*I’m fairly certain they were at Julia Davis park, but it doesn’t really matter.]

I wish I could have had my diary at the time. I remember I said, “I feel like I need to say this right now: Psychedelic!” It was funny. And I just thought about life and how we do things, and that we run and talk and walk and play because we are all children, and who cares if someone knew we were on shrooms, because I’m still walking and talking like they are, I’m just on a different plane of consciousness, like there are so many different planes to be on, but we are all here and we should all say things that are true, like facts. And I felt really happy and I loved everyone but not in a sexual way.

But then I kind of got scared because I felt like in reality I was one of those crazy people on crack that are on the sidewalk dressed in rags talking nonsense and that I just didn’t know it. This scared me because I wanted to know truth. And on the way back to Therese’s Eli told me to stop skipping because I looked like I was on drugs and that confused me because someone not on drugs could skip too. And I didn’t understand why people were insecure and inhibited and why people didn’t just do things that made them feel good and happy without caring about if people thought they were stupid.

And going back into the city made me feel not good. Like there were good vibes and bad vibes, and nature made good vibes.

Oh and Lisbet had a bad trip. Like she was running around being really scared and she kept saying that she needed to go to her dad’s house and she’d get in the car and sit there but she didn’t know where her keys were, or her phone so she came back inside and I started getting really worried that my parents were going to find out and that I’d get in a lot of trouble and that I was really ugly like those people on meth that are so fucked up. I thought I was one of them.

So I layed [sic] down on Therese’s bed and Eli was on the computer and Lisbet came in looking really frightened and she just started taking her shirts off. And I was like “Lisbet! Stop. Lay down.” Because I knew she shouldn’t take her clothes off. So we layed [sic] down and she told Eli to leave because he was giving her really bad vibes. And then Therese’s cat came and it made me feel so much better.

Eventually it wore off. And we went back to Lisbet’s in almost our right minds I think, and we just sat there and listened to Sublime and played with her dog and this pillow soccer ball thing, and then Lisbet’s mom got home and Conrad came over and I ate some cereal and it all felt really good. But I had to be home at 11.

So today I woke up, walked around and did homework but it was unpleasant, took a shower, took a nap, and went to the meeting with Astrid (who told me that she doesn’t need me at her store anymore because she’s not making enough money, so she’s letting me work at a different Wauby’s that needs me). And my head hurt so I took an Ibuprofen and I felt better.

But god I just can’t stop thinking about the shrooms. It was like I was in a different world, or like I got a new sense or something. Like I could really connect with plants and animals, and I could feel positive and negative vibes everywhere. Jeez. What a fuckin’ thought!

I think I’m going to go to Signets. Oh but wait. About things changing color on shrooms: things that are the same color change to a different color at the same time, but they both change to the same color also. It’s really strange.

And you get so caught up and overwhelmed in the complexity and futility of everything. Like life. And it gets very scary, because you get confused about why people do certain things, because there’s no point in doing anything, like me writing all this, there’s no point. And you start thinking about being crazy, and it’s also confusing because what the fuck is “crazy” anyway? We all have different opinions, and we all do different things that make us happy. And we all interact with people. But each person interacts with their kind of people, and everyone is different, everyone is a little insane, but we all don’t know it. Everyone knows what they are talking about, but if they are misunderstood they are called crazy.

Life is about connecting with people. And finding things that make us feel good. And saying words that make us feel good, even if they don’t make sense. Because nothing makes sense, but at the same time everything makes sense. And you just have to surround yourself with people that understand you.

And Lisbet was not saying things that were true. She thought I was Eli, and she asked if Brett was there and he wasn’t. And she thought she was her oldest sister. And there were very irrational fears, very irrational thoughts, but at the same time, the thoughts had meaning. Like I would say things that weren’t related right after each other, but that’s really how I felt at the time, so it was true.

And I could tell when I looked at things that it wasn’t real, like the colors, and I could see what normal people would be seeing, but then I just let the shrooms change me because it was cooler. And we would call things by names that weren’t their names. Like I called the dresser a desk, but it was ok because everything is everything, nothing has a name, it has a feeling, a personality, we were all each other because we were united. That was a great feeling. I felt united with Mother Nature and the world and the atmosphere.

And we were listening to CocoRosie, and those vibes were very very good.

I think it’s very good that I experienced all that.

Oh and I’ve thought of another thing: shrooms I think kind of strip away language and leave just feeling. Like I sort of think that the reason Lisbet got so scared and was kind of mean to Eli and freaking out and wanting her dad is because she feels insecure deep down inside. Like she needs her family, her father, someone to protect her, but a lot of the time she hides this. She covers this fact and makes fun of other people, brings them down because it makes her feel better, knowing that she’s not as bad off as they are. Knowing that she has better qualities than them.

And also, time was so distorted. Like I remember I kept checking my phone for the time and only a minute had passed. It felt like we were on shrooms for forever. That’s why I was so worried my parents would find out. Because I thought that they were wondering where I was and looking for me…Ok ENOUGH about that!

I went to the ski swap today with Mum and Dad, and everything was more expensive than it should have been, so we didn’t get anything. We went to Papa Joe’s afterwards, and I got a meatball sandwich. YUM! Oh and I rearranged my room, which made me feel a lot better. I put my bed against the wall with my window and put my black drawers on the other wall (where my bed was before) and it looks fantastic. I think subconsciously I needed to change my room, like it was making me feel bad, it was giving me negative vibes. I just didn’t know before. Now I actually want to sleep in here, which I will be doing. Very soon. My brain kind of hurts. I just had some tea. Goodnight.

[I’m adding the progressed chart here along with the transit chart because this moment is so intense and notable. I’m not sure though if there’s anything about the progressed chart that is being activated that could speak to this moment. What do you think?

I think it’s super interesting that the Moon was conjunct Neptune this day at 21° Aquarius, both within orb of a conjunction to Ana’s AC, and all squaring Mars at 23° Scorpio in Ana’s 10th. Mars is separating from the conjunction with her Pluto and applying to oppose her natal Mars in Taurus. Mars also sextiles her progressed Mercury in Capricorn by degree, which itself applies to conjoin her Sun. The Moon-Neptune conjunction is also sextile Venus in Sag pretty closely. Just the fact that the Moon conjoined Neptune that day seems notable, especially as it’s her profection lord, but the Moon conjoins Neptune once a month, so why is this particular time so intense?

I don’t really see anything that crazy activating Ana’s progressed Moon either. It is still making an inconjunct aspect to her natal Venus and her progressed Sun, and now to the transiting NN as well – these three are all conjunct in Aquarius. The Scorpio Sun activates that conjunction by square, thus also squaring Ana’s Jupiter and the SN, and applying to square her AC-DC axis. And it sextiles her progressed Moon. Oh I guess her progressed Moon trines her progressed Uranus by degree, that might track?? That’s a longer term transit though.

Mercury also in Scorpio sextiles her natal Mercury and separates from a sextile to transiting Pluto. Mercury also squares her POF by degree. Saturn is widely sextile both the Sun and Mars from Virgo, and is inconjunct the Moon-Neptune, as well as square Venus and closely opposite Uranus retrograde in Pisces. It’s also still closely trine Jupiter in Capricorn.

It’s interesting to me that the following day, November 7, the day Ana writes this entry, she had a work meeting where she was basically let go. Is that the 10th house emphasis activating her Pluto?? That day the Moon would have entered Pisces, and depending on the time it would have sextiled her Mercury and Moon, squared her MC, and trined transiting Mercury in her 10th.

What are all your thoughts and comments on this? What am I not seeing? How does the astrological symbolism match the events? Doing shrooms for the first time is such a notable event, there must be something obvious I’m overlooking.]