Zoloft: December 20, 2009
December 20, 2009
Sunday. Finished The Alchemist, reading The Wisdom of Insecurity which is very good, enlightening. I just finished watching James Bond, he is sexy! Today I had breakfast around 10:30, then went to visit Grandpa Louie with Mom and Dad and Mike and Erin [Ana’s uncle and cousin], they got here yesterday. It was alright, lots of old people in the cafeteria but that’s cool because I really love old people. They are ancient books crammed with information, wisdom, and experience, and most often have a good story to tell. I went on a run on the greenbelt afterwards, it was shit. Then later Ma and I went to Michael’s and Fred Meyer. I also started sewing a rice bag for Grandma for Christmas – so she can heat it up and put it on her back because apparently she hurt it.
On Thursday I had my appointment with my gynecologist, and I talked to him about my anxiety/depression, and he gave me a prescription for Zoloft.* So I’m taking pills now. I dunno what to say, how I feel. I’m still trying to deal with my existence. It’s frustrating, I’m scared. And worried. I had a panic attack after I took the first pill. I cried and talked to Mom. It’s been better though, my feelings of worry and fear are only fleeting, ephemeral now. I still don’t know if I’m making this up in my head or not, if I even need pills or not, if I’m over-exaggerating or not. I feel weak, idiotic. And down kinda. Tired. It’s sometimes hard to concentrate. I was afraid to write, I thought it’d confuse me, my perception of who I am. Don’t want to go in depth.
[*Triwheel chart follows.]
Friday Ma and I saw Where the Wild Things Are. So beautiful! And funny. Saturday I hung out with Jenna and Karly and Tricia. Tricia stayed til 12:30 I was like OH MY GOD I’m so tired, leave! But she just kept talking. It was kind of ridiculous. When she finally left I watched 28 Weeks Later, awesome. Started my period. Dunno what I’m doing, dunno who I am. When I go back to school I’m going to get a counselor. Someone to talk to. I want to go to a Buddhist place to talk to someone, I feel like that’d help a lot. I’ll figure it out.
[This is a critical moment, although the transits aren’t much different from the previous chart shown. The Moon conjoined Mercury very close to Ana’s Neptune. The Sun and Venus in Sag sextiled the Chiron-Jupiter-Neptune conjunction by sandwiching it on both sides, Venus with a bit wider orb. I think it’s pretty notable that Ana’s progressed Moon in the 8th is trine/sextile her core axis, and trines her AC lord Saturn by degree. Like I said earlier, it also trines her natal Mars, so all these points form a grand earth trine. Profection lord Sun is now closely square her progressed Moon as well.
What am I missing here? Anything particularly notable that I don’t see? This is a decision that Ana will come to regret, although it helped her a bit in the beginning. I do see that Mars turns retrograde closely conjunct Ana’s DC and square her Pluto by degree early on December 20, a few days after her appointment.]