Cut Myself: April 07, 2011

April 07, 2011

I got real high at the Brick the other night with Anne, Kendra, and Kan. I didn’t feel that high but I think I was because I smoked a lot. We made videos, and Anne and Kendra made 365 Things to Talk About with Anne and Kendra. It was so fucking funny I couldn’t breathe.

I have Visual Arts in 15 minutes. Last night Zara and I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It was funny. Yesterday I cut myself with a razor.* Just to see how it would feel. It felt sexual. I think that might be weird. Oh well. I liked it though, because I know I shouldn’t do it, and that if anyone knew they would probably be concerned.

[*Triwheel chart follows.]

The other day Kan told me that even as a little kid she always knew that she was going to do something great for the world, and that something would be helping people. And I wonder if everyone has that feeling that they are special and are going to do something great. Because I totally have that feeling, and I’ve had it since I was little, too. Except mine seems more egotistical,* I feel like I’m just going to establish myself as someone with influence,* whether that be good or bad. An artist, someone I feel is more important,* feels more. When I cut myself yesterday I felt like that. I like myself when I cut, I don’t know why.

[***AC lord Saturn conjunct Sun and North Node in 12th house Capricorn?? Saturn being very dignified and in his joy, in a day chart. What is this feeling? How is it described by Ana’s birth chart?]

[Neptune entered Pisces on April 04 and sextiles Ana’s Mercury by degree. Chiron is still within orb of that sextile as well. Profection lord Venus in Pisces sextiles Ana’s Neptune (still within orb of sextiling her Moon-Uranus). Now Mars sextiles her POF and her progressed Mars, both by degree, so it’s at their midpoint. Sun and Jupiter are still conjunct, and Sun sextiles Ana’s AC by degree at this point. The transiting Moon this day conjoins her Mars in Taurus (although I don’t have an exact time), and trines/sextiles the core axis of her chart. Does any of this speak to Ana cutting herself? Maybe Mars-Uranus aspecting her Mercury, POF, and progressed Mars?? Or maybe just the big Aries emphasis and the Moon on natal Mars?]