I Hate Chadwick: September 27, 2010
September 27, 2010
Lots to say. Today was the first day of school. I felt hot and sweaty all day. Soccer was stupid. I HATE CHADWICK.* Weights was right after class, Chadwick thought I was going to hurt myself because I wasn’t wearing tennis shoes. He is the biggest fucking asshole. I loathe him. I had a hat trick in the XXX game, and so many people congratulated me, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. We went to a party that night, it was lame because I couldn’t drink or smoke. Today I was always rushing, it sucked. I didn’t know what to do with myself either. We rearranged our room again, it’s the best yet. I started editing my book, I want to keep doing that. I found some interesting things.
[*Triwheel chart follows.]
Blah Blah Blah
We were all each other because we were united.
“Truth is subjectivity.”
[Ana had worn closed-toe shoes to the weight room, but because they were not the team’s official tennis shoes, Chadwick questioned her about it, interrupting her while she was actively lifting weights. He tried to get her to stop doing the exercises because of her footwear, when her choice of shoe was completely appropriate. He wouldn’t let it go, it was like he was fixated on and obsessed with the situation, when all Ana wanted to do was work out in peace. It feels cosmically ironic. Like all Ana ever wants is to be left alone to do whatever the fuck she’s doing in peace, but she’s always got Chadwick interrogating her and tailing her and fixated on her every action and decision, and he’s always upset and mad about it. It’s incredibly stressful and emotionally exhausting to have to constantly deal with him and anticipate whatever the fuck he’s gonna freak out about next and try in advance to avoid it from happening. It’s a big part of why Ana can’t play well, because she’s intensely worried and stressed out about Chadwick’s reaction to her every move. She’s extremely worried about his reaction to her not playing perfectly, which ironically causes her to play badly because she can’t get into a flow state when she’s constantly in a head space dominated by paranoia, fear, and criticism. YUCK!!
Anyway, does anything about this chart speak to that? Here you can see Saturn is super close to conjoining Ana’s progressed Moon, it’s almost exact to the minute. They both square the nodal axis by degree. The Sun has entered Libra and applies to conjoin Saturn and her progressed Moon. All of them are pretty close to squaring Ana’s natal Moon. The Sun is within orb of a square to Pluto, which is still tightly conjunct her Mercury. Mars is sextile her Moon at this point too, thus also sextiles/trines the nodal axis. Yeah, I can see how the combo of all these factors manifests in this emotionally exhausting power struggle with Chadwick. It’s like this constant, ongoing thing, and then it blossoms occasionally into Ana’s diary entries.
Mercury is applying to trine/sextile her Sun-Chiron from Virgo, and Venus squares her Venus-Jupiter from Scorpio. Venus also applies to square her progressed Sun. Oh and the transiting Moon conjoins her Mars in Taurus and trines/sextiles the core axis of her chart today, so there’s that. What are your thoughts on all this?]